Marriage Vows for Her. By Rev. Seuss

Will you love his dirty socks? Will you love his midnight talks?  

Will you love his cans of beer, that he leaves both far and near?

Do you love him as you wish, or will you hate each dirty dish?

Do you love him here and there? Even in white underwear?

Marriage Vows for Him.

Will you love those perky breasts, when upon her knees they rest?

Will you love her cranky tone, and not wish to be alone?

Will you love her squishy thighs, and put up with those pouty cries?

Do you love her here and there?  Even in huge underwear?

I have to admit I haven’t spent much time writing this week. I have been frantically trying to spend fun time with my husband. Seems like everyone’s marriage is going down the pooper, and it has put me in a panic.

I have an amazing husband, the cream of the crop. He makes me laugh. He dreams big. Nothing brings him down. He is an optimist.

He’s honest, which I admire the most and is what I first fell in love with — even though I have been trying to make him dishonest ever since. You’re not supposed to tell me you don’t like my cooking. Lie to me, please. But whenever his honesty is not affecting me personally, I am thrilled by his integrity.

He is an unbelievable dad. He makes everything enjoyable. I still get shocked that being stuck in the car with him for eight hours with two toddlers can be a good time. When is he going to yell at us all? But he doesn’t lose his cool. He takes time to have fun instead of hurrying. (If you feel the need to point out a blaring elephant in the room, save your breath because I realize that I’m the yeller in the family.)

I’ll say it again; my husband is an amazing guy. I think he’s smoking hot. He cooks a mean omelet. He goes to work every day for his family and never complains. He’s loyal and a patient teacher to our sons. He is 99 percent good.

But after a decade together I find myself spending more time focusing on the annoying 1 percent rather than the 99 percent. As if I have gotten used to all the happiness he brings into my life I can only focus on tweaking those last few flaws: messy, unable to mind-read and unwilling to be my chore boy.

My friend recently said to me that what you focus on gets bigger. It reminded me that I need to focus on the bigger picture. I’m not flawless myself (I assume, although nothing comes to mind), and I would hate it if my husband was only thinking of my maddening habits all day. (Why does she keep writing about me?)

Relationships aren’t maintenance free, but because we never see annoying check marriage lights flashing at us, we tend to let things slide until all that’s left is something for the junk yard.

If you have a happy partnership right now, I’m begging you to not make the 1 percent larger and to switch your focus back to the big picture. Remember that we are all flawed, there is no greener grass and please enter your own pertinent cliché here.

I have no clue what makes a marriage last forever, but continually having a good time together seems like it would help. So that is my excuse for this crappy essay. I've been out having fun. 

So stop reading these junky sentences and go make some exciting plans for yourself.